This piece was written the evening of October 5th. Sometimes when I write I feel empowered, and sometimes I feel drained as though the blood is let out of me. This experience was the latter. I originally planned to update the piece as events occurred, but I think it works better as a moment in time. This is how I felt, October 5, 2023. I've since edited it for clarity and grace.
Content warning: Transphobia and other asshole behaviour.
On September 19, the day before the counterprotest, the SSMU executive team released a statement of support for it. They briefly summarised the protest and counterprotest, re-iterated their support of trans students, and closed out with a call to action that students should join at the Roddick Gates. It was a typical SSMU statement.
During the question period of the latest Legislative Council session, one SUS representative asked who was consulted on SSMU statements. They also asked whether they were on behalf of all SSMU members, or the SSMU executives. It's a disarming question, because the answer is neither: SSMU is an organization, capable of developing policies and expressing them. I fear I often mistake stupidity for malice, but it's hard to interpret their question in good faith. The SUS rep, Sofie, said she couldn't find a policy on statements - but one look on the SSMU website, and you discover that SSMU, along with many other student unions, has been creating positions for years. They even have a positions book!
Any veil of this being a procedural question, unconnected to trans students, fell apart when Sofie cited the statement of support for the counterprotest, which she had pulled up on her laptop. After Sofie's pointed question, Joshua followed up and argued that there was misunderstanding among students. I cringe to think of the conversations he was referring to, complaining about the wokeness of SSMU a few days after trans students were outnumbered and harassed by a horde of transphobes.
Two days after the article came out, the SUS held their council meeting, and four friends and I attended. We'd gotten the math representative to ask a question about it, but we didn't even need to wait for the question period; Sofie and Joshua were proud to talk about Legislative Council.
"They said that the statement regarding the anti-trans protest was not done properly. They sort of admitted to doing it in a skewed fashion, so we kept them on their toes", they said about SSMU. Sofie and Joshua were also concerned with the fact that "no external bodies were consulted". Queer McGill was, in fact, consulted. I wonder who else they wanted SSMU to reach out to - the far-right, white nationalist group themselves?
I think of Sofie and Joshua. They're from Ottawa, and I wonder if they've seen the stickers dotting ByWard Market: "Woman. Noun. Adult human female" or "keep prisons single sex". In a not entirely logical train of thought, they remind me of childhood classmates. They remind me of the kids who've always been on the fast road to success. They remind me of the two valedictorians of my middle school, one who bullied my friend for being fat, and the other who would kick at the kids in the autism program. They remind me of the now-engineering student at Queens who regularly called me a faggot and the vaguely-feminist business founder who said someone she didn't like deserved to get raped. I used to wonder at how these people, brimming with intolerance a scratch below the surface, manipulative, coy and incapable of empathy, were the same favourites of most teachers and school administrators. Over time, it comes to make more sense. It's not in spite of cruelty that these people succeed, but because of it. They thrive in a system that rewards the discrimination of the othered. The Sofies' and Joshuas' of the world are rewarded for their adherence to conservative values, or publicly acceptable, second-wave feminism progressive ideals that continue to uphold most structures of power. Sofie is a Loran Scholar. Joshua is a Schulich leader. They're going to be the next generation's doctors and millionaires.
They probably felt victimized by the Reddit post that was complaining about the SSMU statement for other reasons. They probably talk to their friends about how the protest was really just about education, and how there is no free speech anymore, and how everyone is too sensitive. They probably feel uncomfortable in the presence of trans people, and, unable to resort to the cruelties of childhood, translate intolerance into bristling pride at putting the "communist/leftist types" (a direct quote from the subreddit) in their place. Either way, I have spent far longer thinking about Joshua or Sofie than I'm sure either have spent thinking about someone like me, reading the Tribune issue in the engineering building right before class.
I am so frequently disappointed in people. SSMU adopted a Trans Advocacy Plan and to make statements of support is a requirement of them. Even then, I remember having to harass the VP External in the days leading up to the counterprotest, just to get it sent out. The Queer McGill team is getting a lot of requests for collaborations, wanting us to give our stamp-of-approval, but it seems queerness is becoming cool as trans people become a convenient symbol for conservatives to latch onto.
I read the Tribune article during a twenty minute period before class. The sinking feeling of my stomach is at once familiar and always surprising - I wonder at my ability to continue to be surprised by discrimination. I told myself that the intention of the SUS reps was not transphobic, or at least that they didn't see it as transphobic. But then the best-faith interpretation is that the SUS reps thought the counterprotest was a convenient issue to practice politics on, that trans students are an easy target. I was drained already from the counterprotest, even despite the widespread sympathy of my friends. Just being trans feels like furiously fighting a war already lost.
It is strategically unadvisable to take what transphobes say seriously. Because I know this on an intellectual level, I sometimes dismiss my own reactions, and then I dismiss the toll of transphobia. A few weeks ago, I was told by a stranger that I would burn in hell as my biological gender. I was fighting to convince the VP External that the counterprotest was worth a statement for. I thought that the student body wouldn't take issue with "SSMU supports trans activists", or at least that the ones who did wouldn't also be in positions of power and trying to get involved in SSMU politics. But I was wrong. I misjudged the number of transphobes at the protest and I misjudged the VP External and I misjudged the Legislative Council.